I Need Some Peace

I am not at peace anymore. Not with any of anything that has been going on. And I am not even sure what it has been (the goings-on). I really need to find some peace. And while I fantasize about entering a church (the Cathedral where I used to go more specifically) to just pray and cry and reflect and try and feel for that feeling that has been missing so long now...I know it is not the church that is going to give me that back. I am not sure how I lost it either, or where...but I need it back. I am not a bad person. I am actually pretty nice, and willing to work together...with others...in order to help build better lives for ALL of us AND our kids. I'm not dropping this anymore. Yes, said it before, but ya know, this time it's for real. I need the old perspective. If I had written while the magic was still happening, I would see things a little more clearly now, or have the benefit of an unbiased lookback. But here I am. Tired, and emotionally spent, spiritually on FIRE and yet completely spiritually dampened. How does that even work?
Anywho
I am tired and I am going to find 5 hours worth of peace behind closed lids now. Tomorrow I can expand. Goodnight crazy world. Inshallah some day I will figure a piece of you out.